Letting go

Our wedding has been railroaded. I can’t even bring myself to talk about it.

I’m done.

…

I really don’t know what to do anymore. :/

OC-ness, full throttle

I’ve decided: I will make my own bouquet.

There, I can hear your jaw drop.

It’s just that I’m tired. So effin tired. I’ve gone through the pain of talking to several florists, gasping at the prices, explaining why I don’t want imported flowers, blah blah blah. This emotional blackmail called the wedding has me nearly lurching already. I Just. Cannot. Take it. Anymore!!! They’re flowers, for crying out loud! How difficult can they be, really?? They’re always beautiful, no matter what you do to them.

I arrange flowers at home all the time (one of the girly duties I’ve been accustomed to, apart from gift wrapping). They turn out pretty nice.

Besides, I don’t want my flowers to look manicured or done, anyway. Why then would I pay Php3,500 for a bunch of flowers that have been deliberately arranged to look haphazardly arranged?? It does NOT make sense.

So, on the morning of the wedding, I will go to Dangwa, pick out locally grown flowers, and arrange the bouquet myself.

“But oh, the stress!” Which stress? I can visit Dangwa the week before and strike a a deal with maybe a couple of sellers just so we don’t get lost or confused on the day of.

“But do you even have time to go?” Dude, I can ask any of my aunts, whom I trust with my life, or even a friend on her way to the hotel, to go and get the flowers. And because I am intrinsically OC, I will ask them to give me a video call so I can check if they have the right colors and types.

The only thing I was really concerned about was how to keep the flowers fresh up until the ceremony. But I’ve learned how ridiculously easy it is:

http://www.jrroses.com/weddingflower3.0.html

As for the entourage bouquets, well I have another idea for that.

I have declared this. Therefore it will happen.

in the mood

…for pretty flowers.

Do you love them as much as I do? I’m sorry though, I’m such a bad blogger – in the flurry of downloading mind-blowing photos, I forgot to note the sources. It’s not intentional. If any of these is yours, please let me know and I’ll make the proper citation. I remember the third one came from The Budget Savvy Bride. I think.

girl talk

I had dinner with Kule friendships Dette and Chewee.  It was a bit surreal because all we talked about were our weddings! I didn’t occur to me 10 years ago (when  I first met them) that we would even be doing that. Weird and funny and fun!

Dette’s getting married in December and, lo and behold, we have virtually the same themes, same motif, same styles! I shouldn’t have expected less because we were practically joined at the hip in college haha. I love the fact that a decade later we still think the same things. I also hate it because our weddings might look the same hahahaha! As in down to the party favors and ideas for photos! I can hear LJ comparing us na lol. Alaskado kami all the way.

Cherie on the other hand, I have to give props to because months ago she was already looking for venues, and her wedding’sin 2011! I guess that’s what happens when both the bride and groom are doctors, and they have maybe an hour in between 36-hour shifts to even just think about cakes and tulle and flowers. One a half years can fly by very quickly!

We watched Kimmy Dora (second time for me) after dinner and I got home past midnight. I didn’t get to sleep until past 3am though, because of something we talked about. Waaaaah. I won’t say anything until the matter is settled, all I know is that I gotta get through this! Hahaha OA.

Such fun girls, don’t you think? Let’s do it again!

confirmation, baptism, wedding!

I finally got myself registered for confirmation.

Yep, you heard right. Catholic confirmation, I haven’t had it yet. Yes, I grew up in a Catholic school. Yes, we had confirmations there en masse.

I didn’t join in because I planned to get confirmed with my brother, who at the time was studying at Pisay (a public school, no religion classes). Alas, we never “found the time” to do so, and here I am at the ripe old age of 26, about to get confirmed with a multitude of teeners two Saturdays from now.

I called just about every church in Paranaque and Las Pinas, even QC. None except St Andrew Cathedral in La Huerta, Paranaque will be conducting the rite anytime soon (and by soon I mean this month because we need to get our papers fixed next month). I went over immediately. The guy at the parish office reminded me: ang bata lang ang pwede sa loob ng simbahan sa umaga, ang magulang at mga ninong at ninang, alas dose pa pwede (only the child is allowed inside the church in the morning, the parents and godparents can enter at 12 noon). I sheepishly said yes, praying he didn’t notice that I was the “bata” he was referring to.

AND, after all the stress of finding an available church (and arguing with M about it for weeks), I learned from w@w that the church near Malacanang performs the rite every Sunday. Susmaryosep.

Anyhoo. St Andrew Cathedral is a nice church and, having been established in 1580, maybe the oldest in Paranaque. My city is that old. Cool.

St Andrew Cathedral (photo from Wikipedia)

So there. I also got my baptism certificate with the “for marriage purpose” stamp from Sts Peter and Paul Parish in Makati. Before that I scoured our old files at home for my original certificate. I learned there are two versions, both typewritten (no PCs here in 1983) with different sets of godparents and different places of birth! Yikes. I also found out that I was baptized on – drumroll – the 27th of February. That’s the date of our wedding in case you ignored this blog’s header/banner.  Hee, cute noh.

this is how we do it.

Earlier today my friend Edison asked me what I meant when I said we will be injecting sustainable concepts in our wedding. I told him I’d blog about it, so here goes.

First, let me provide a background. Please read this.

The plan is for our wedding to stand by the principles of sustainability, which we advocate in every possible way in all areas of our lives. Sustainable development is not just a buzzword; it is a core belief that we adhere to. The bottom line is we want to be able to tell our future kids that we did right by them, from the beginning.

But enough of the theory now, I’ll explain that as we go along (yes I will so put up with it or skip this blog lol). On to practice.

Theme. I didn’t think we had to have a theme, but yeah, bandwagon and stuff. I also realized having a theme makes it easier to narrow down ideas so that only the essential remain.

Our theme is  “modern vintage”. What that is is simply going back in time and moving forward, in the same breath. Modern vintage is a throwback to days gone by, to simpler times when everything we needed was right here. Back to basics, so to speak. In a sense that’s also what sustainability is. Taking stock of your resources and making use of what you have without endangering others’ ability to do the same.

Vintage is “modern”, because we want to bring it to here and now, and prove that it can be done. That we all are, to paraphrase historian Renato Constantino, living history, a continuing past. It also means coming full circle. Going back to where it all began, and realizing that the answer is here, right in front of us.

(In terms of sustainability, I’ve learned that the best solution is usually found in the most intimate, indigenous knowledge, the one we’d been seeking for so long but found so elusive because we were looking elsewhere.)

Chapel. St Pancratius Chapel. My “dream” church would have been Mary Help of Christians (MHC) Parish in Paranaque, actually. It’s the church I grew up in (the one I used to sleep in during Misa de Gallo, the one where I used to help my mom and my childhood bestfriend’s mom serve during mass, where I stared at the big statue of Jesus hoping his hand would move to prove that miracles happen…you get the picture). It’s big and beautiful and a stone’s throw away from my house.

Unfortunately it’s a world away from everyone else. At some point I had to get over my sentimentality and think beyond myself. Not only would people have a difficult time getting there, it would also mean more carbon emissions. It doesn’t help that there is no reception venue anywhere near MHC, as in you would have to get out of the City of Paranaque to find a proper venue. The nearest we found that almost met our criteria were Bellevue Hotel and Palms Country Club in Alabang, Muntinlupa, but in the end neither seemed to fit.

Meanwhile, Paco Park is in the middle of everything, accessible, familiar. Plus it’s very – hauntingly – beautiful. Modern vintage indeed – old, rustic with a touch of glamour, sort of shabby chic.  It’s bursting with a thick air of history, yet maintains a light, carefree atmosphere. Intimate, beautiful, simple but grand.

And it’s only fitting that we exchange vows in the city where we plan to be rooted for the next few years. This isn’t aboutmy past, after all, but our future.

Reception. We chose a reception venue that’s less than 10 minutes away. Remember, decreased need for transport (need being a function of distance and time) = decreased carbon emissions = smaller eco-footprint.

I was resisting Intramuros for the longest time – it seemed too cliché; I didn’t want to be like the others lol. However, La Castellana offered us something new (and it’s literally new, not even a year old) and unexpected.

Aesthetically it  screams modern vintage, from the Spanish style architecture to the marble floors and the glass chandeliers.  It evokes both an old world charm and modern feel.

Best of all, with the absence of airconditioning, it’s certainly more energy efficient. Other people would hate this; I actually sought out places without ACs! Don’t sweat it, dear guests, because apart from the many doorways, they have windows high up the walls. These serve as vents to let hot air out (since hot air rises).

It’s actually the philosophy behind those little windows or ventanilias way up in the bahay kubo (which by the way is truly a “green home”), and also the latticed or carved beams in the old bahay-na-bato. These windows or passages allow air to circulate, unlike enclosed areas that trap heat, which is why we resort to airconditioning. Our venue doesn’t need that. It also has a a high ceiling and a courtyard, again encouraging cross ventilation and further reducing heat. This, you will again notice in old houses. How back to basics can you get?

As a bonus, it’s covered and actually has a solid floor. So you get the outdoor feel via the open space planning, without the fear of rain or your stilettos digging into the soil.

***

I think choosing our chapel and reception venue was one of the toughest exercises in selflessness for me. I wanted so many different things, and Mark would have been happy to oblige, but in the end it boiled down to what was right – for the two of us, in consideration of our family and friends, and in the grander scheme of things i.e. the environment.

More sustainable wedding ideas next time!

flora

I think the colors are perfect. It’s not one or the other, but a confluence. Pink but not quite, hints of peachy orange, a tea-stained yellow rose, unobtrusive green…they’re all melting together in my head like a watercolor painting. I love it. It also has a very rustic, just-picked-from-the-backyard-and-thrown-together feel. I would take out the twigs though. I’d probably end up hurting myself with them haha.

That said, I’m still not sure if I should get pure flowers, or throw in some glass or feathers, or reject the idea of flowers altogether. Sigh.

More photos next time.

If there was ever a groomzilla…

…it would definitely be Mark. Seriously.

Discovery Weekend

I first heard about Discovery Weekend (DW) from an officemate (or another friend? I forget). They said that instead of the standard pre-Cana prescribed by the Church, we could attend this. What got me interested was an answer to one of the FAQs on DW’s website. It said something about the Weekend not being a total guarantee that couples would end up together. In fact, some couples break up after the weekend. And that was alright.

Okay, I’m not (that much of) a doomsayer. But the answer struck me as very honest, and in marriage that is really what is needed. I got the impression that DW was an honest-to-goodness process, no sugar-coating and none of the typical, monotonous lectures on marriage that people attend for compliance.

Mark was a bit hesitant at first – I think because of the price tag hahaha! After all, why pay Php7,000 for what you might get for free in the wedding package of your church? But I persisted, and he relented.

So there we were, one Friday afternoon after work, registering for the 2-day, 2-night marriage preparation retreat. We spent the first hour lounging around. The retreat house has a calming atmosphere, but punctuated with energy from the red red red couches scattered about. Love it!

We were “summoned” to assembly through the ringing of the bell – a sound we would here countless times in the next two days. Thus began our intensive and exhaustive reflection as a couple. It was a weekend of deep soul-searching, lessons, sharing of experiences and anecdotes and, most importantly, dialogue.

If there is one thing we will take away from the weekend (and there were many), it would be the active involvement in each other’s feelings through dialogue. I thought I was already pretty good at this stuff, to be honest. In fact, I built my MA thesis around the concept of “understanding the other”, “mutual learning” and, yes, “dialogue”. I prided myself for being of compassionate nature, of being able to put myself in another person’s shoes. The key word there I guess is pride. At DW I learned to accept that I knew much less than I thought I did. I also realized I relate to Mark differently than I do other people because I expect so much of him (unlike, say, communities and other groups I work with where my default attitude is absolutely no expectations).

Personally I came to terms with my own limitations – after all, we must start with ourselves – and allowed my partner to see and understand them with renewed humility in my heart. He did the same, and in doing so we learned how to create an environment of genuine openness and acceptance. And that, for me, is priceless.

Mark must have thought so, too, because midway into the retreat he asked if I wanted us to volunteer in future DWs. Talk about a turnaround hehehe!

As a bonus, we had our confession during Mass on the last day. That would be my first in 10 years. I was overwhelmed.

I won’t give any details (we’re sworn to secrecy hehe), but suffice it to say that it truly was a weekend of discovery. We’re happy that we did it, and we hope other couples who are engaged or planning to get married would, too.